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Monday, June 5th, 2006
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12:37 am - a hiatus of sorts...
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in light of recent months, i've made the executive choice to go on a bit of a hiatus from the world. i'm planning on spending three weeks away from most forms of communication such as the internet, cell phones, verbal communication face to face, etc. there will be ways to get ahold of me--such as you can send me emails and letters, and i can send letters. this is a personal choice, and hopefully all will be well. i will be spending these two weeks in seymour indiana. personally i find this to be thrilling and cannot wait. in addition to this hiatus i plan to be spending two weeks in late july/early august in the new england/mid atlantic region. i will be looking at two colleges, perhaps seeing a dave concert with becca, and spending time with my grandma at the beach. thus, i will be gone for quite some time. the first hiatus will be taking place june 18th through june 30th, if all goes well. i'll post my address and things of that sort at a later date.
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Goodbye, My Lover-James Blunt
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| Thursday, May 11th, 2006
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9:31 pm - I'm not that type of girl, and I would rather sit and talk about my goals.
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Ugh, the day from hell. Kind of. I mean, some of my day was nice. I went to band and had a good time. I guess some major bonding went on during Gatlinburg, and I actually like most of my section now, compaired to prior to the trip were I hated them. I haaaaaaaaated everyone in my section with the exception of Scott and Will. I enjoyed class, and Joe was signifigantly nice. Then, 2nd period was nice because I'm basically getting an A in that class, and Mr. Ray is in love with me. Or at least my brain. I wrote a "perfect" paper, or close to it. It would have been that way if I underlined my thesis. 3rd period I almost threw up. That was nice. I hate pigs. 4th period was also nice. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. My classes were alright, except for the fact that Beth didn't come back for about 45 mins later than she was supposed to, so in essence, I taught 4 classes. (Or helped, whatever.)
Basically, I realized that I cannot have teenage girls. Good lord these girls are impossible. They sat around and did nothing, and then got shitty with me when I asked them if they were actually in this class. Just because you're a cheerleader does not make you God's gift to man kind and you should get off your ass, stop being a jerk, and do what you're supposed to. It's my my fault that I have to ask you several times, it's kind of my job. I know, I know, it's foreign to actually do work! Crazy idea!!
Also, in recient talks I've come to the conclusion that maybe there is something a lot better than sitting around and waiting for someone's drunken self to call you. Maybe there is something better than sitting and waiting for the other person to decided when they want to see you, and leave you hanging. Maybe there is something better than giving up everything, for someone who "loves" me. I'm starting to think that there might actually be some value to me, and honestly, I'm not that type of girl. I don't like it when people call me drunk. I don't like it when you tell me that you love me, and then push me to my limits. I'm not like that, and I shouldn't have to prove to you that I love you. Obviously I do, and you should just accept that I'm not going to fuck you and your friends. Get over it. I shouldn't have to put up with you, and your drunken words. I don't care if you're drink. (I mean, I do, but it's not that big of a deal.) Just, maybe you should grow up and accept responsibilities. Also, you shouldn't be an ass and lead people on. I'm threw. Adios.
It's a shame that when you wake, you can't recall a thing...
Which brings me to the goals. I'm searching for a job. One that is moderately close to my house, pays well, and is sort of easy. I might be working as a receptionist for a while, which is good since I can type well. Oh! Good news! Apparently I'm getting a Legacy. Which, despite that it's some what nerdy, I'm excited for. Mainly because it means that I'm actually good for something, also because it's a step in the right direction of my life. I'm not sure what I want to do. I want to do the following things before I die:
1. Be a make up artist. I think this would be pretty cool, since it's helping people look their best, or worst depending on the scenario.
2. Live in new york.
3. Write a novel.
4. Go into law.
5. Produce a movie.
6. Write a screenplay.
Okay, I'm sure there are a lot more things to consider, however, these are major. I'd really like to just go to school for the rest of my life. You know, I'm planning on majoring somewhere in English, minor in film studies or something absurd like that. Ugh, well... I have a lot of things to do, such as clean my room. I think that sounds like a good plan.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: David Melillo
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
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10:22 pm - We all want something beautiful, I wish I was beautiful
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I am having issues writing this post. Not technical, but just more writing issues. It's not that I can't write. I mean, I have amazing writing skills when it comes to certain things, but life isn't a story book, and I can't make everything seem so amazing. I have a lot of things on my mind, which prevent me from living life to the fullest in several aspects. I don't sleep, I'm sick a lot, I'm irritable often, and always busy. I mean, honestly, I have the next week and a half planned out almost to the min. It's nice in a way. But, back to having things on my mind...
The Gatlinburg trip is coming up, and I'm not looking forward to that for several reasons. Mostly involving some of the people on the trip. In addition to that, I'm not really all that big into band. I like about three people in my section. I don't like the music, and I would much rather just be there for shopping and hanging out with my friends.
College searching is getting intense, and my SAT isn't good enough. I'm not sure where I want to go. If I go to IU my whole life is planned out for me. If I go to DePauw, I'm going to be spending a lot of time studying and not having a social life. If I go out east, then I'm not going to have as many friends as I have back home, and I'm afraid that people who I'm extremely attached to, I will never see again.
Apparently, some people think I'm a terrible person. Mostly because I'm not a Bible thumper, I don't like band, I allegedly party too much, and I cuss too much. I'm not too fond of Religion, esp. not organized Religion. I kind of feel like most of it is made up by people to keep other people in line, and I think most of it is crap. Although, there are some valid points. I don't like band because I associate it with bad things. All my memories which were once good, are now bad, and relate to band. I don't like the fact that certain things in band are just too serious. I joined band because I'm a music nazi and also because I thought it would be fun. I don't really party all that much, and when I do party I'm normally a driver. It's fun to watch people, however, it's kind of annoying to babysit them. I mean, I love my friends, it's just that sometimes things get out of control. Also, I don't really like some of the choices that certain people make whilst partying, esp. when they have an adverse effect on myself. (An example of this is when a certain young man made it a point to drunkenly call me to inform me that he hated me, despite that about a month and a half ago he loved me, since we were dating. Later he was upset when I refused his calls, and didn't want to talk to him, because he didn't remember the phone call.)
I've decided that my body hates me. It's sick of all the abuse I put it through. You know, exposure to chemicals, sun, depriving it of things, pushing it to exhaustion, and other things. It's basically decided that I should be sick on vacation. Great job.
Also, it makes me upset that after spending the greater part of a year with someone who "loved" you, that they can't have the decency to even talk to you civilly. It is upsetting because it's not my fault that they're not talking to me. They're the one who made the decision to engage in such behaviors. I've attempted to make several conversations with said person, all of which were denied. I find that to be annoying because, if I spent a year on that person, then obviously they mean a lot to me. It's not like I want to date them anymore, I mean, not right now. It's just that I feel like I've put enough effort into this to still be their friend. It's sad. Esp. when they had repeatedly said to me that they would always be there for me. And, if they ever did love me, I'm finding it hard to believe since the only time they can ever tell me is when they're drunk/high/whatever, or when they want something. In essence, I just get used a lot.
I'll write more later.
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| Sunday, April 30th, 2006
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7:28 pm - So This Is LJ...
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For about the past year everyone who knows anything about blogging has been encouraging me to either write in xanga again or get a live journal. Since xanga is possibly one of the most fake things in the world, I decided that live journal would be a better option. I tried blog spot though, but that didn't work out for me since it's just too slow.
Anyways, so here I am, almost eight o clock on a Sunday night. This was one of the most interesting weekends of my life.
Friday: Jessi and I decided that we would throw a dinner party, which went well. The party was nice, and then we watched some movies.
Saturday: We woke up, went shopping for Birthday presents, and then proceeded to go to Rebellation for the rest of forever. After that we went to Kyla's party and then out to eat with Nick and Richard.
Sunday: We taught Sunday school, went to Starbucks, Luna, and then my mom and I went shopping. I sucessfully avoided going to church, and I'm some what proud of that.
Also, I don't think that sick is a mood, rather it's a feeling.
Ok, so I wrote this post, and then tried to sleep. However, that didn't end up happening all that much. I ended up laying in bed with the computer trying to find a music video to put on my myspace. I hate myspace, and how much time it consumes of my life. Gah. Tomorrow looks to be a nice day, all things considered. I'm excited to learn about drunk driving.I couldn't be more thrilled.
current mood:  sick
current music: Live-- Lightning Crashes
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